My Recovery Celebration

(The Celebrate Recovery group that I attend held a special ceremony for my step study group at the completion of our nine-month study of the twelve steps. The following is the mini-testimony I shared.)
Two years ago, I wanted to do a step study for 3 reasons:

Start a Celebrate Recovery at my church
Enhance my non-profit ministry
Gain experience in counseling
I would use my previous struggles with pornography and over-eating for my “issues.”

The ministry leader said, “Perfect timing because we have some step studies starting soon.” Well “starting soon” evidently meant seven months. Then a conflict with one of my graduate degree classes pushed it out a full 14 months!

However, now I was starting for three new reasons:

My porn issue had returned
My over-eating had returned
I was depressed
I see now that those delays were about God preparing my heart.

As we began our work on step four which is our personal inventories, my church sent my wife and I to California to attend the Celebrate Recovery Summit to prepare to start a Celebrate Recovery at our church.

At the final worship service, it all hit home. In tears, I wrote the following words on a 3X5 card:

“I hurt from a father who made fun of me and expected perfection. He belittled me and my calling to be a minister. I have lived my life trying to prove him wrong. I have cared more about what others think of me instead of what God thinks of me. I have tried to stay in control of all aspects of my life to minimize my risk of being belittled. I have craved earthly titles to justify my worthiness instead of wearing the name of Jesus Christ.”

I took a nail and hammered this card to a cross.

My wife said, “You just completed step five. I am so proud of you.” I was shocked. This wasn’t about pornography, overeating, or depression. Apparently, God was more interested in the deeper issues of my heart.

God used my step-study brothers to drive me even deeper. Their sharing reflected an honesty and vulnerability I had never experienced with other men. I love you guys.

Let me close with my favorite scripture from the Step Study:

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!”  –  Isaiah 43:18-19